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Futilitea

December 2008

Trivium links to Nihilist Mints, which are completely flavourless. This, in turn, reminds me of my plans for a stupid line of mints featuring flavours like the following:

  • Sedimints (dirt flavoured?)
  • Impedimints (garlic flavoured)
  • Undergarmints (…just, no)
  • Agreemints (come in two parts)

Also, tea:

  • Futilitea (very weak)
  • Utilitea (high in caffeine)
  • Brevitea (served only warm in very small mugs)
  • Vulnerabilitea (served in thin paper cups)

Any other suggestions? Let the bad punning begin.

Nato commented:

  • harrasmints - sold by pushy door to door salesmen along with encyclopedias and some bizare cult
  • mince - not for vegeterians...
  • dissapointmints - normal mints, which are advertised to increase your IQ, make you more popular, and attractive to women.

Greg commented:

Embarrassmints: extra sweet sugar free mints with no warning on the label...

Jim Bier commented:

I've actually seen testamints - which are mints with bible verses wrapped around them..

you could have pessimints - with depressing quotes, and optimints with positive quotes.

often conference/ meeting room facilities provide mints and water on the table: Judgemints - for legal conferences, or for the court room instead. Regimints - for military conferences. Financial statemints - for accounting /finance conferences

excremints - ewwww - taste like poo

Jim Bier commented:

emptea - a cup with nothing in it.

Matt commented:

Condimints and punishmints?

Jim Bier commented:

I was thinking: Capital punishment - laced with arsenic

also - Electricitea - just shocking,

Jim Bier commented:

oops - misspelt that one - capital punishmint

KT commented:

Guiltea: produced using unethical methods.

Garmints: hm, not too sure but there should be possibilities there.

Appeasemints: a gift box of deluxe mints for the wife when you've really gone and done it.

Marketing specialty mince in the same way could also be fun, if you weren't vegetarian. Though garmince might be going a bit too far...

KT commented:

Oh you already did garmints. Maybe you could remove that one from my comment so I don't look so unobservant.

Andrew commented:

Curiously Strong Mince (2 weeks in the sun?)

Matt commented:

Battlemints. (“You're at a party, and someone's passing around the weaponised candy…”)

Jim Bier commented:

wow, there's getting to be a lot of commints on this post

Jim Bier commented:

causalitea - infusion made with herbs such as spacethyme and pastley

advertisemints - have company logos stamped on them

filamints - very long and thin, fibrous mints.

Matt commented:

+1 for causalitea. Where can one acquire spacethyme?

Jim Bier commented:

I don't think other people are enjoying this as much as I am, but here's a couple more:

stupiditea - what clients must be drinking half the time

mannitea - tea with a spot of (sea) cow's milk

Christina commented:

Placemints - for Real Estate agents. They could either have "Location, location, location" written all over them or blatant lies used to sell houses, like "a good fixer upper".

Eternitea / infinitea - would taste a bit meh but last forever (and perhaps be reusable). Good for tramping or getting stuck in a nuclear fallout shelter.

Sanitea / luciditea - would be a bit like Terry Pratchett's klatchian coffee, which gives the drinker moments of pure understanding and clarity (claritea?) of thought.

Tee hee this is great! I totally want to get my hands on some spacethyme :)

IDIEEASY commented:

Bootea - a replacement for rum.

Replacemint - for those trying to cut down on mint.

Bereavemint - the mint that everyone will have to taste one day.

Andrew commented:

i would have thought Bootea would have been thick and black?

KT commented:

Sorry, I just can't help myself:

Bereavemince - a great way of helping kids deal with the loss of a pet is to recycle it...

Also, Andrew: I would've thought your mum would have been... hm, nah, that is most unlikely.

KT commented:

Understatemints - subtle flavour with a bite of sarcasm.

Atonemints - pure and spotless mints that may be tortured and abused whenever you're bad. Accepted by leading deities everywhere.

Acknowledgmints - a nice but useless gift from the boss to make up for the fact that you're not getting a pay rise this year.

Speech impedimints - gobstopper mints to stick in your mouth when you want an excuse to stay out of a conversation.

Ok back to work...

IDIEEASY commented:

Experimints - you never know how they will turn out.

Elemince - the basic food source. Ligamince - pretty much just normal mince.

Fruitea - always smells good but never tastes right. Varietea - tastes different every time. Polaritea - comes in two flavors: positivitea and negativitea. You either want it or you don't.

Hottea - always to be served with Complimints.

IDIEEASY commented:

Christianitea - will be served in the lounge after the service.

Jody commented:

Who knew so many young people cared so much about tea Matt? Steve Pavlina should do a 30 day tea trial...

Matt commented:

Infini-tea

Oh man. Synchronicity strikes again.

Jim Bier commented:

Activi-tea - comes in a sipper bottle for people on the go.

Majes-tea - fit for the royal family

Nativi-tea - special blend for drinking around Christmas

Matt commented:

P.S. *cough* synchronicitea