The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that – for myself – the most important part of Jesus' life and example is his constant relinquishing and abandoning of power.
Problem is, life teaches me – and constantly reinforces – that power is the means by which change is achieved. I'm getting results from wielding power, dammit.
Well, power works, but I'm beginning to feel the violence involved in wielding it – usually violence to another's will. And if there is one truth of humanity it is that violence begets violence.
But fuck, it's hard and scary to relinquish power. Power is the means by which I assert ownership of my self – and my direction – in a myriad of ways, and that's not something I'm ready to just give up.
Is there another way, or do I just have to surrender to everything and let the world determine my course? I'm currently on the path of the Warrior, and I'm feeling a calling towards the path of the Saint, but I'm afraid that I'll lose myself on the way there. Warrior just seems easier.